i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
