Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
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Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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