Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize