you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so explain again why im purple
no
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
