she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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