i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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