its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
