please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
