I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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