i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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