you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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