he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
