Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
