Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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