I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Found the puke drawer
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
