My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How does one acquire holy water?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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