So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
