some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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