She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Everclear isn't food dammit
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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