It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
