I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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