he puts the penis in happiness.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
