Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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