I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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