if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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