my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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