making cat noises will not fix the situation.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
