Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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