Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
