I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
