just tell him i said nine months
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
