At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
