I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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