I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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