Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
