Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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