you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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