when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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