I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
