the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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