Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
