Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
