Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
