Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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