i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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