So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
