Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
