you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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