I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
