im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
