I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
