i always forget guys have bellybuttons
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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