Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
