I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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