it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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