his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize