Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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