she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
