I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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