Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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